My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
