she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
