P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
