Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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