so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
