My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
