I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
