She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
