you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
