Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
