The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
