Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
