A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
