I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
