do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
