His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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