dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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