Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
