his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
