You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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