fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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