note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
