Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
