I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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