She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
