guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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