you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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