Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
