You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
