is your mom at the bar?
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
