I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
