Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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