Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
