First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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