I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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