I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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