My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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