He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
