Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
you are never too drunk for berry picking
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
