ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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