The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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