someone get that fucking seahorse.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
