We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I believe in your delicious
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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