Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
