I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
