I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I touched a dick in church today
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
