cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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