I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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