theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
