what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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