i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
