It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
